Direct Quote

"Thought experiment for conservatives: You have a terrorist, really bad guy, plenty of blood on his hands. He's in your basement. There's a bomb set to go off in 24 hrs that will wipe out an American city, killing millions. Only he knows where the bomb is, and how to defuse it. The only way to get the information out of him is to get his wife heart surgery, his mom into a good retirement home, set up a college trust fund for his son and bake him delicious homemade sugar cookies. Do you do it?" -- Quinn Norton

Direct Quote

"As female journalists working in this region we constantly find ourselves putting clothes on to please Hamas and taking them off to please the Israelis." -- Sherine Tadros

The Best Way to Deal with Rev. Fred Phelps

During sports broadcasts in the U.S., there are moments where the cameras abruptly stop showing the game, turning instead to show the crowd or the announcing booth. A telltale roar reveals the reason: an idiot has run onto the field and interrupted play.

The drama of a field crasher would make excellent television. Most of the time, it's just a drunk, an attention-seeker or a drunken attention seeker, but sometimes things take a more newsworthy turn. A teen was tasered by cops at a Philadelphia Phillies game last year and a father and son assaulted an umpire in 2003 at a Chicago White Sox game.

Live broadcasters don't show these crashers because they know that the TV time would encourage more people to do it. The industry-wide self-censorship helps discourage idiocy.

It's time the media took the same approach with Rev. Fred Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas.

Phelps is getting widespread media coverage by threatening to picket the funerals of the Tucson shooting victims. It's the same game he's been playing since 1991. Find a funeral of a soldier, public figure or someone else whose death is getting major media coverage. Fax blast a press release celebrating their demise, grab the "God Hates" signs, gather up the kids and grandkids and hop in the Ford Econoline.

Because of the enormous amount of attention his deeply offensive protests receive, you might get the impression that Phelps is a significant religious leader in this country.

He's not. Westboro Baptist Church had only 71 members as of 2007, according to a BBC report, and they're members of his extended family. He has 13 children, many of whom have stuck around and brought their own kids into the loathsome family business.

Nate Phelps, an estranged son of Rev. Phelps, says the only point of the protests is to get attention. Phelps doesn't care if he attracts a single follower to his religious views:

My father equipped his church with a bank of fax machines, and daily sent faxes to hundreds of machines across the city and state, filled with invective and diatribes against anyone who had offended him. To demonstrate the effectiveness of his methods, this tiny church of 60 people, led by my father, is today known not just throughout the United States, but across the world. ...

My father has simply refined Calvin's doctrine to the point where the vast majority of us are going to hell. And he and his followers are among the privileged few chosen by God.

This doctrine is very important to understanding the Westboro Baptist Church. My father, and those who follow him, are not preaching to try to convince people of their truth. Unlike street evangelists, who are trying to convert people, my father has no intention of converting anyone, since conversion is impossible. You're either chosen, or you're not.

The best way to deal with Phelps isn't to organize counter-protests or to form a human wall of "angels" to block people from seeing the Phelps family picketing a funeral.

Instead, it's to convince the national media to stop covering the publicity stunts of a no-name preacher with no following and no influence.

Update: "Topeka's Westboro Baptist Church won't picket the funeral of a 9-year-old girl killed in Saturday's shooting rampage in Tucson, Ariz., in exchange for getting airtime on two radio stations, a church spokesman said." -- Topeka Capital-Journal

Dear Abby: My Man Has 6 Kids by 6 Women

The advice columnist Gay Best Friend received this amazing letter recently:

I have been seeing a man from Nigeria off and on for about 15 months. I am seven months pregnant by him. I have been pregnant once before by him, but I had a miscarriage early on. He was mad the first time I had gotten pregnant and told me all kinds of horrible things on the phone. Then when I miscarried he was back up in it two weeks later, raw. He told me that he had a vasectomy after the first time I got pregnant and I believed him because he has six kids from six different women and always talks about how he's always broke because of them.

When I got pregnant again four months later he said, "I don't want you to mother my child because you don't have a driver's license, high school diploma, or any of your other kids, what's going to happen to mines?" Then why would he get me pregnant or not use protection? I always have condoms. He never wants to use them and even takes them off when we're having sex.

I think he got me pregnant on purpose. ...

I am a very pretty woman and I get a lot of attention. I feel like he tried to trap me so I would be pressed to be with him forever. Can a man love you that told you this big of lie about having a vasectomy?

If these two can't make love work, what hope is there for anyone else?

Consultants Sue Huffington Post for Stealing Idea

Democratic political consultants Peter Daou and James Boyce have sued the Huffington Post, claiming that Arianna Huffington and other founders took their idea for the site and never compensated or credited them.

Daou and Boyce had a lot of planning meetings with Huffington before the 2005 launch of the site, which was originally intended to be a liberal counterpoint to the Drudge Report. They sent Huffington a proposal for a site called fourteensixty.com that pitched features that were later implemented on Huffington Post, such as the inclusion of celebrity liberals as bloggers.

I haven't read the suit, but the story makes me question whether Daou and Boyce should prevail. The biggest weakness I see in their suit is that they waited six years to raise the issue and continued to actively blog for Huffington after they were allegedly ripped off. Peter Daou wrote numerous blog entries for the site from December 2005 to July 2010. Boyce contributed from May 2005 to Oct. 7, 2010, just five weeks before they filed suit.

Although they claim they could not speak out until now because of professional entanglements, I don't see why they would contribute unpaid work for years to a site that had stolen their ideas. I've had experience beginning a business partnership that was such a colossal error in judgment we ended up communicating only through lawyers. I reached a settlement, took my lumps and moved on. I didn't keep working on the project (for free no less).

I corresponded with Daou a few times back when he ran the Daou Report, a terrific political news site. His presence in the early stages of Huffington's existence could explain something I've wondered about -- how my blog ended up on the Huffington Post's original blogroll the day it launched.

The Vanity Fair piece and other media outlets covering this story keep saying that Boyce and Daou's site name was chosen because 1,460 is the number of days between presidential elections. So far, I haven't read any journalist who checked the math.

There are never 1,460 days between elections. There are either 1,456 or 1,463 days, depending on how Election Day -- the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November -- falls on the calendar. Daou and Boyce wrongly assumed that four 365-day years separate the votes.

Boy Meets Girl, Girl Renounces Lesbianism

Chasing Amy movie by Kevin Smith starring Ben Affleck, Jason Lee and Joey Lauren Adams

As a comic book fan I've been meaning to see Kevin Smith's films for years. I finally got started over the weekend with Chasing Amy, his 1997 romantic comedy starring Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams and Jason Lee. The movie's entertaining, but I couldn't buy the premise at all.

Affleck plays Holden, a whitebread comic book artist who falls in love with another artist named Alyssa (Adams), despite the fact that she's a lesbian. Though Holden's best friend Banky (Lee) explains to him the utter futility of hoping to convert her, he tries anyway.

And succeeds.

The movie's told almost completely from the male perspective, depicting guys from Jersey who are often so gleefully misogynistic outside of mixed company you wonder how they get anyone to go out with them. Smith's iconic characters Jay and Silent Bob make one appearance, where Jay not-so-helpfully tells Holden, "Forget her, dude. There's one bitch in the world, one with many faces." Alyssa only gets one scene with her lesbian friends where she tells them she's joined the other team. There's not enough shown in the film to explain why she'd renounce her sexual identity for Holden, a guy so inexperienced that when he meets Alyssa the mechanics of lesbian sex have to be explained to him. (Didn't he have cable?)

Despite all that, I thought Chasing Amy was odd enough to be charming. Smith's got a great feel for dialogue and Lee is terrific as the obnoxious best friend. I just think the movie should have given lesbianism a fighting chance.

Debt Collector: People Are Mean to Me

I keep comments open forever on Workbench because the old blog entries here occasionally attract some interesting comments in the deluge of spam. A debt collector searching Google on Tuesday for the phrase debt collector sued for doing their job found my story on the $8.1 million judgment against a collector and posted an epic rant.

The rant, which I've reprinted in full below, shows that debtor anger and the threat of being sued are getting to these bottom feeders. If you're bothered by calls from debt collectors, tell them you can't receive calls at work and they only can contact you in writing. They are required by law to stop, and if you make a written no-contact request, they can be sued for continuing to call you.

Consumers are winning these suits all over the U.S. You do not have to endure harassment because you owe a debt.

I'm a debt collector. And some of you are fools. Just by reading your nonsense I can tell you are worthless, irresponsible do-nothings. Perhaps if you could spell better, you might fool me otherwise ... ;)

LUCKYBUNNIE: Getting calls at work? Puh-lease. Like you don't have the ability to just hang up and spare the embarrassment from these coworkers you claim heard you talking about your debts on the phone. You're an idiot, and deserved what you got for doing what you did. Stop being a pansy and pay your bills. First off, you have a job and can afford it. Secondly, you're paying a debt solution company to do the same thing you can do by yourself, except you're paying them more money to do it for you. You have every opportunity to save money by relieving them of their services and settling with debt collectors directly. It will probably save you alot more money. All you need in this world is a bit of intelligence to get by. Have you considered gaining some? Here's your chance.

As for the gentleman with the "skip-tracing" skills ... Fred ... sounds like you've got it all figured out, champ. What was the name of the company you sued? I'd encourage them to counter-sue you for entrapment. These are people's jobs you're affecting. YOU think collectors are parasites ... apparently ... which is why you chose to be an ***hole about an honest mistake. All you really had to do was inform them they have the wrong person, but being the dishonest and spiteful man you are, you had to take it to an unnecessary level. I'll bet you're really proud of that. :( So, Fred, how many debts did you legally owe which drove you to hate collectors this much? Nobody's fault but your own, buddy. I hope you have fun in Hell. Satan has a dark, lonely place reserved for spiteful people. Especially ones who don't pay their bills.

I need to make money somehow so that I can pay my taxes and my bills. I do it by sitting on the phone all day and getting death threats, and listening to deadbeats tell me how they are going to hurt my family. I also put up with others who threaten to sue me simply for doing my job (yes, people can sue me directly regardless if they sue my company.) My daily job generally consists of putting up with the scum of this nation -- all while being prohibited from throwing it back into their faces the way I wish I could. In short, if I were half as much of a jerk on the phone with other people as they are to me, I would lose everything I own.

It takes a special breed to put up with this crap.

So I guess here is my chance. Here's a lineup of the types of deadbeats I have to deal with all day.

1. The Mutes: people who answer the phone right away, but go silent immediately when you ask for their name, and then hang up.

2. Indigents: people who use other people's money, goods or services and then don't pay them back because they know that the law protects them from being held accountable. These are the people on SSI/SSDI whom your taxes pay to feed, clothe and shelter. Then they have the audacity to steal on top of that. Isn't it pathetic? Other times I can convince an elderly man or woman to pay what they legally owe, but then a snide family member gets wind of the arrangement and convinces them to not pay it -- simply because they are "judgment-proof." Usually this is a son or daughter, and you can guess why they don't want their parents using their savings to pay off old debts ... probably because it means they will lose that much in inheritance. You would not believe how many phone calls I get from angry sons and daughters of debtors threatening me to cancel their parents' repayment arrangements. And the debtor CAN AFFORD to pay it! That's sick! My favorites are the ones who demand a refund after the payment has been made. lol

3. Gatekeepers: family or friends of the responsible party who answer the debtor's phone all the time and tell me they are not around (after asking who I am, of course). Last week the debtor was in the hospital because of a bad car accident and in critical condition, yesterday they were out looking for a job (gotta admit, its a good story), and TODAY they are not home from work yet ... depending on who you talk to. Unless everybody in the family can keep their lies organized and consistent, it's usually easy to catch these kinds of cover-ups.

4. KIDS: Yes, people put their kids on the phone to get out of paying their debts, for crying out loud. But I usually have fun with this one. A collector is almost always smarter than a child, and usually knows that the parent is right there next to the kid telling them what to say. So when I ask why mommy and daddy are not there and why he/she is being left all alone, or if I get the kid to tell me where mommy or daddy works (yes, it is entirely legal to ask this and it is entirely legal to call a debtor's work) it usually prompts an angry debtor to magically appear and demand to know who I am. :) I only feel sorry for these kids, whose irresponsible parents probably punish them for being honest. Kids will tell you anything if you let them think that it's smart of them. "Say, you sound smart. Does your mommy/daddy still work at ...?" "YES!!!"

5. No speaky English: They speak English fluently enough to open up an account for goods or services, yet when people start calling to ask for that money back, "No speaky English!!!" In this country, it is not required that anybody speaks English, so luckily most agencies have a Spanish-speaking collector. This usually puts a kink in people's plans who think they can get off by pretending not to understand what is being demanded of them.

6. Take Me Off Your List: The debtor used to have this number, but changed it ... probably because they kept getting collection calls. So now some poor person has to put up with the calls, because they got a new phone and ... guess who's number they got? So I answer the phone and half the calls are people screaming at me because they get 7 calls daily for somebody they don't know, and I'm the only person they are able to scream at about it. "TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST, YOU ***HOLE!!!" I don't have a list, idiot. Telemarketers have "lists." I will mark this as a bad number, thanks for being so nice about it.

7. I owe the debt, I CAN pay it, I just hate bill collectors: self explanatory. I think somebody's post earlier described this nonsensical approach. People think they can incur a debt and pay it back whenever, wherever and to whomever they please---and in whatever amounts. It does not work this way, people. Creditors have their rights, too (although these rights are being stripped more and more by the day, and the will and whim of the irresponsible debtor is gaining more and more sympathy--as demonstrated by this story)

8. I didn't open this account: Very common. Usually it takes one or two pieces of the debtor's personal information on the account to remind them that it is most certainly THEIR debt. Some people are defiant by nature and demand that it goes even further in validation, demanding that they see some kind of itemized statement or a copy of their signature on a contract--which I can't provide as a 3rd party collector. That would be information which my client (the debt buyer) has. Yes yes, the one who has the attorney retained and is about to sue your ***. They would not gone to this length if they didn't have the evidence to back up their claim.

9. I have an attorney: people can legitimately hire law firms to stave off bill collectors (as if collectors are the most horrible blood sucking people on this planet, haa haa.) The funny thing is, half the people who tell you they have a lawyer wont give you a name or number, citing "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, ***HOLE!!!" (It actually is my business. In fact, it is why I get paid.) In reality, a hired attorney will encourage a debtor to give their name and number so that the collector will confirm representation and work directly with the attorney to resolve the debt, either through a settlement or bankruptcy. So the people who tell me they have an attorney and then don't give a number for that attorney are just dumb.

10. I can't talk about this right now, I am at work, my mom just died, I just lost my job, I dont have any money (yet I can afford a phone) blah blah blah: You have had 3 or more years to get this debt taken care of. Why, now, do you tell me that you still cannot? Why not just NOT answer your phone and NOT waste my time? Deal with the attorney then, not me.

People hate bill collectors simply because they don't like being told what to do. This is a very independent nation. Unfortunately independence and irresponsibility do not mix, and that is where I come in: to remind irresponsible people that other people have their rights as well.

The people who pay their bills are the nice, responsible people -- and I have absolutely no trouble with them. (Most come from Minnesota and Wisconsin. People are just nicer and more responsible in these parts. I am Minnesotan.)

The moral of the story is pay your bills. Most debt collectors will work with you as long as you are willing to pay, and if you're not copping an attitude. As a matter of fact, most will settle with you and let you close the amount out for less than what you legally owe. (Don't act like you're entitled to a settlement though, this will not win you a discount -- the difference between what you owe and what you actually pay to satisfy a debt is completely discretionary) They still make money (they or their client probably bought the debt for pennies on the dollar), you save money and clear up a bad debt at the same time. As long as a person admits they are in the wrong and shows intentions of clearing things up, a debt collector will be your best friend in a time of bad debt. And if you find yourself talking to a debt collector who seems less than cheery, keep in mind somebody else probably just threatened to kill their family.

As if debt collections is a bad thing. As if recovering billions of dollars for the economy annually via debt collections does not have an impact. As if that many jobs generated by the collections industry are not important. As if it's not important to enforce consequences for not paying your bills. Grow up, people. Get a clue, and quit being a bunch of sissies.