Teach Myself Novel Writing in 73 Days
I recently finished the first draft of Sams Teach Yourself Java in 24 Hours, the 22nd book on computer programming and web publishing that I've written in the past 13 years. The book comes out in September -- buy early and often.
I decided while working on the book that my next writing project would be a novel.
I've never written a novel before, so I sit down to work each morning with absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing. I recommend the experience highly -- when I was in my 20s, attempting things I didn't know how to do was second nature. That's how I got my first girlfriend, my first job, my first wife, my first house, and back on topic, my first computer book writing assignment. I was doing copy editing for Sams Publishing in 1995 as a freelancer, and a manuscript I was reviewing required so many edits I decided it would be faster to write books myself (I did not want for ego). So I pitched myself as an author to Mark Taber at Sams, got a couple chapter assignments, and moved up to books. I didn't know back then how much I didn't know, so I could tout my mad authoring skills to Taber without reservation.
Now that I'm in my 40s, I find myself sticking to the road more traveled. I do not as a rule enjoy growth experiences.
The novel I'm writing is a thriller about nuclear terrorism. I can't reveal more about the plot, because I'm afraid that if I do, it will completely remove my motivation to actually write the book. I began by outlining the story in full and have written a prologue and the first two chapters at a speed of around 1,300 words a day. At that rate, I will have completed a 100,000-word novel in around 73 days.
Please don't take my advice that a novel should be 100,000 words long. I don't know what I'm doing.
Groups That Pursued Tiller Share Blame for His Murder
With the murder Sunday of George Tiller, a Wichita, Kansas, doctor who performed abortions, some anti-abortion groups that targeted Tiller's clinic, home and church for protest have moved swiftly to distance themselves from the killing. Jenn Giroux, the executive director of Women Influencing the Nation, posted this message on the group's web site:
Women Influencing the Nation condemns all form of murder. The murder of George Tiller is in direct contradiction with the beliefs and morals embraced by those of us who believe that every life is precious in the eyes of God and no individual has the right to take the life of another. We encourage everyone to pray for the repose of Dr. Tiller's soul.
Scott Roeder, the suspect in Tiller's murder, visited the group's web site ChargeTiller.Com, which led a petition drive calling for criminal charges against Tiller for two years. Roeder posted the following message on the site Sept. 3, 2007, according to the Wichita Eagle:
It seems as though what is happening in Kansas could be compared to the 'lawlessness' which is spoken of in the Bible," it said. "Tiller is the concentration camp 'Mengele' of our day and needs to be stopped before he and those who protect him bring judgment upon our nation.
Giroux's site described the doctor as "Tiller the Killer" and "the most notorious late term abortionist in the nation." The site's home page made the false claim that he was performing illegal abortions and had bribed Kansas government officials to get away with it:
Tiller has literally committed thousands of illegal late term abortions. Who is continuing to investigate that? Final note: Don't be surprised to see Tiller get off. Keep in mind that Tiller poured millions of dollars into getting this Attorney General's office elected to protect him. Do we really think that they will now agressively prosecute?
These quotes come from cached copies of the Charge Tiller web site, which was taken offline after Tiller was shot to death at his church. Giroux's a registered nurse and mother of nine who traveled from her Ohio home to Kansas to speak at legislative hearings urging his prosecution.
Tiller's abortion services were legal in Kansas, as demonstrated by his March acquittal on 19 misdemeanor charges related to abortions. The doctor was one of the only providers of late-term abortions in the U.S. because of anti-abortion activists who harass doctors at work, home and elsewhere. His clinic had been attacked by a bomb and he was shot twice in 1993, so activists like Giroux had to know that he could be the target of violence again.
Anti-abortion groups that go after individual doctors with rhetoric as strong as Giroux's share responsibility for his death. When you tell people that a doctor is committing murder and has bribed government officials to escape prosecution, you're encouraging people like Tiller's murderer to view violence as a justifiable act. Anti-abortion activists know this. Since 1993, there have been 14 attempted murders of abortion providers, 13 bombings of medical care locations, and now two doctors killed.
No matter how you feel about abortion, you should recognize that protests against doctors at their hospitals and homes are a form of political violence intended to stop Americans from engaging in a legal activity. If Giroux is genuinely remorseful about Tiller's murder, her group should repudiate the practice of going after individual abortion doctors the way they pursued Tiller.
Advanta Closes One Million Credit Card Accounts
Advanta, a credit card provider for small businesses, announced today that it is shutting down all one million of its customer accounts on May 30. As a longtime customer I was told today via email that I must stop using the cards in four days. The bank has reassured me, however, that I may keep paying the bill after that date. "You may continue to pay down your account balance over time, as allowed under your Advanta Business Card Agreement," the email states. Since Advanta has been jacking up interest rates like crazy lately, as the Los Angeles Times reports, it would probably help the company if I took as long as possible to pay the remaining balance.
I've been relying on Advanta for day-to-day expenditures while running World Readable, my network of web sites. I fortunately have a second credit card, which I set up a while back when poppa needed two high-definition TVs. I should be able to switch all of my recurring charges for the business to that account.
Because Advanta provided almost no notice, I've been scrambling today to download all of my transactions and billing statements, which I need for tax purposes. Because there are one million people with a compelling reason to be using its web site today, Advanta.Com has been crashing worse than our country's financial system. At the moment, the site says that I owe a balance of "NaN" dollars in my account. NaN is a constant value that means "not a number" in several programming languages, including PHP, JavaScript and Visual Basic. It could be worse -- there's also a constant called Infinity.
The weblog Consumerist broke this story eight days ago and provides a followup explaining why the company is in such big trouble:
Advanta's customers defaulted last month at a rate of 20.15 percent, compared with 17.31 percent in March, the company said Monday in a regulatory filing related to the Advanta Business Card Master Trust, which bundles Advanta's small-business loans for sale to investors.
Outstanding credit-card balances at the end of April were $4.5 billion.
I know one of the disgruntled Advanta customers quoted by the LA Times:
Television writer and producer Bill Taub, president of Jabberwock Corp. of Los Angeles, didn't notice for four months that the interest rate on his Advanta small-business credit card had jumped to 19.99% from 7.99%. A call to customer service got it dropped to 10.99%, but he said his request for a refund was refused.
"That was outrageous," said Taub, whose TV credits include episodes of Hollywood Babylon and Relic Hunter. He hadn't yet heard that Pennsylvania-based Advanta Corp., which has been hit with rising losses in its portfolio, won't allow any of its small-business customers to put new charges on their cards after June 10.
Taub and I worked briefly together in 1994 for Zing Systems, an interactive TV venture based in Denver that went bankrupt years before banks and insurance companies made it cool.
The Case of Ann Landers' Box and the Naked Man
A question this week from Annie's Mailbox, the advice column written by the editors of Ann Landers:
Dear Annie:
I am 23 years old and a virgin. I have never seen a naked man in my life because I believe virginity should be kept until marriage. The other day I went with my sister to watch my nephew's baseball game. He plays on a field that is uphill, so you can see the backyards of some of the houses across the street. My nephew had heard from his friends that one of the men in those yards sits naked in his hot tub. I always assumed this wasn't true.
When I got to the game, I instantly remembered those rumors. I didn't intend to be a Peeping Tom, but I looked around and saw a man in a hot tub. I assumed this was the guy, so I kept watching. Five minutes later, he got out of the hot tub and really was naked. I instantly got a headache and my eyes burned. I want to do something to prevent children from seeing him. I know he was in his own backyard, but you could see him clearly from the field. Would that count as public nudity? Do you think I should report him?
-- Scarred for Life
Identity Thief Sends Purchase to My Address
I'm dealing with an identity theft situation today that I can't figure out. Last night, somebody ordered $259 poker jewelry from an online store using my business address, business phone, and email address along with their name. They paid for it with a VISA card.
I've checked my credit card providers and the charge wasn't placed on my cards. It appears the identity thief has established a credit card using my business address, phone and email.
I can't figure out what the thief hoped to accomplish with this order. I've found discussions on the Internet about carding scams, where people use someone else's address when ordering something with a stolen credit card, then intercept the package the day it arrives by waiting outside for the delivery person.
That couldn't happen here. My business address is at a UPS Store. There's no way a UPS driver would give a package to someone hanging out in front of the store.
The name used to make this order has used my email address before. In October 2007, he requested two car insurance quotes, and in April 2008 he applied for assistance from a debt-relief company.
I called the online store to notify them that the order was fraudulent, and I'm checking with credit reporting agencies to see whether bogus accounts have been set up in my name. I also am changing my business address. If anyone has advice for what else I can do, or what the thief was trying to do, your help is appreciated.
Chuck Todd is Hurting America
In the latest story about how Republicans are in trouble and we're in for 1,000 years of one-party rule, NBC News political director Chuck Todd unintentionally reveals one reasons most political news coverage sucks big rocks:
There are a number of ugly debates going on inside the Republican Party right now.
There is the debate over whether or not there is even something wrong; there's the debate over whether or not RNC chair Michael Steele should be trusted with making financial decisions for the party; there's the debate over whether or not the party should come up with an alternative to being just a party for conservatives; and there's the debate over whether or not all of this is just an over-reaction.
I have no stake in this other than as a junkie who enjoys a competitive political landscape.
And that is what is sad right now for junkies: things don't even look that competitive anymore.
The Republican Party is in deep trouble, Todd asserts, but it's only important to him because he likes politics to be "competitive."
One of the reasons I watch cable news so infrequently is because the TV networks' approach to politics is entirely based on who's up, who's down, who's ahead and who's behind. It's all about scoring points, managing expectations and winning the news cycle. John McCain got beat like a drum in part because he overvalued the opinions of the East Coast TV news producers who set the day's agenda. While his team was using manufactured controversies like "lipstick on a pig" to win that night's episode of Hardball, Obama was out there recruiting volunteers and pursuing voters to win an election.
If everything you knew about politics was learned from TV, you'd have no idea that anything was at stake in the decisions being made in Washington.
The saddest thing is that as far as broadcast journalists go, Todd's one of the smart ones.
Do Svidaniya, Tchaikovsky and the Year 1893
Maria de Jesus of Portugal died earlier this year, relinquishing the title of world's oldest known person at 115 years and 114 days. Born Sept. 10, 1893, de Jesus was a farm worker from age 12 who never learned to read or write, ate a vegeterian diet and outlived her husband by 57 years. Perhaps the most amazing facet of her longevity was that she got to know six great-great-grandchildren.
The death of de Jesus makes the oldest person Gertrude Baines, an American supercentenarian living in a Los Angeles nursing home. It also moves the line of oblivion, the starting date for the living history of the world, forward to Baines' birthday on April 6, 1894.
With the death of de Jesus, we've lost the last person who was alive when New Zealand became the first modern country to grant women the right to vote (Sept. 19, 1893) and Colorado became the second U.S. state to do the same (Nov. 7). She was also the last who could have remembered the first drive of a gas-powered automobile in the U.S. by Charles and Frank Duryea (Sept. 21) and the first sale of bottled Coca-Cola (March 12, 1894).
There's no longer anybody who could have shared a Coke with the Russian composer Tchaikovsky (died Nov. 6, 1893), saxophone inventor Adolphe Sax (Feb. 4, 1894), German physicist Heinrich Hertz (Jan. 1, 1894), English painter Ford Madox Brown (Oct. 6, 1893), or baseball player Ned Williamson (March 3, 1893), who hit 27 home runs in a single season, a record that stood until 1919 when it was broken by that young upstart Babe Ruth.
If you think my interest in this subject is obsessive, every day somebody on Wikipedia edits the entry for Baines to indicate her age down to the day. At 115 years and 35 days as of today, Baines is the 25th oldest person ever. She's the African-American daughter of a man born into slavery who's only voted twice for president in 115 years, first for John F. Kennedy and second for Barack Obama.
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