A question this week from Annie's Mailbox, the advice column written by the editors of Ann Landers:
I am 23 years old and a virgin. I have never seen a naked man in my life because I believe virginity should be kept until marriage. The other day I went with my sister to watch my nephew's baseball game. He plays on a field that is uphill, so you can see the backyards of some of the houses across the street. My nephew had heard from his friends that one of the men in those yards sits naked in his hot tub. I always assumed this wasn't true.
When I got to the game, I instantly remembered those rumors. I didn't intend to be a Peeping Tom, but I looked around and saw a man in a hot tub. I assumed this was the guy, so I kept watching. Five minutes later, he got out of the hot tub and really was naked. I instantly got a headache and my eyes burned. I want to do something to prevent children from seeing him. I know he was in his own backyard, but you could see him clearly from the field. Would that count as public nudity? Do you think I should report him?
-- Scarred for Life
This is from Ann Landers reply to "Scarred":
"If he is hot-tubbing on his own property and taking appropriate precautions to be discreet, it is not public nudity. Unless, of course, he does the hot-tub routine only during games, in which case there is some exhibitionism going on."
Actually, Ann is wrong about this. He's only an exhibitionist if he hot-tubs during exhibition games. It's an understandable mistake on her part though, this rule isn't very well known.
If you were scarred for life by the sight of a naked man at a distance, then you will very likely be a virgin the rest of your life, because you surely won't be able to deal with a naked man within arms reach.
The fellow you saw was in his own yard, and apparently the kids already have seen him, and like decent folk, don't worry about it.
Get a clue, learn from the little ones, and leave the man alone.
If you find him naked in your yard, then you may report him.
And you should really plan to live a very lonely life.
Who is Kenny Williams talking to?
That's a long way to go to give the female, 'I have a headache,' response validity. Don't cha think?