For anyone wondering how I became a television personality as well-known for a day as the Virgin Mary grilled cheese, my friend Matt Haughey has digitized the interview on the Today Show where I talk about BenedictXVI.Com.
After the Today Show, I began receiving calls from TV producers. Almost to a person, they were fast-talking, Type A females who sounded like Angelina Jolie on Life or Something Like It before she learned you don't have to become Stockard Channing to be truly happy. One even berated her assistant while talking to me, effortlessly switching the tone of her voice from sweet to "that better be a double shot espresso or you're on the next bus to Topeka."
These women are relentless; they will not take no for an answer. My friend Jonathan Bourne has produced several talk shows, and he said I could have gotten some free swag from the programs by playing hard to get.
I caved too quickly for even a single coffee mug -- one flattering remark about my hair and I was asking where to show up. I had to disconnect my phone that afternoon, afraid of what else I'd agree to do.
I've saved a voicemail message from Maryam Ayromlou, the MSNBC producer who asked me to appear on Countdown with Keith Olbermann.
This isn't the recording of Ayromlou I wish I had. I love Olbermann's show, but a few hours after agreeing to be on it, I called her to chicken out.
"I've spent money," Ayromlou responded, referring to the en-route Orlando TV crew and a conference room booking for the remote. In the nicest way possible, over a several-minute call, she gave me the impression that if I backed out, there would be no place on Earth I could hide from her. I've never been more frightened of a person in my life.
I appeared on Countdown as planned.
So, what the deal with the hair ? :)
If it's the grey, then I think I'm onto a winner! yay!
Onwards! Father Time!
Regarding that aggressive smartass Ayromlou (and anyone else that ever gives you a hard time) you neglect to realize where your true power lies, Mr. Cadenhead. All you have to do is point out to Ayromlou and her ilk that you need only to speak of them in the negative, and your Cruel posse with make it their lifeâs mission to destroy that person, rendering their ability to use the internet or go out in public a thing of the past. Now, did you want us to take care of this bulldog wench for you? What was her name again? Maryam Ayromlou? Didn't she graduate Cornell in '89? I have some embarrassing dirt on her already - doesn't hold her keg beer well, if you know what I mean....
Now, did you want us to take care of this bulldog wench for you?
You missed the subtle inference of that piece. I love these women. When they stopped calling, the colors of spring looked a little dimmer. Soda tasted flat. Bread turned stale.
You missed the subtle inference of that piece.
Not really. I was just treating it to some Cruel sarcastic wit. We wouldn't really help you. We would rather see you squirm. In a nice way.
When they stopped calling... Soda tasted flat. Bread turned stale.
Apparently, when you disconnected your phone, you also left all the packages in your kitchen open. Don't use the ground beef.
I seriously suspect that, after he found out about Drudge.com, Olbermann put you in his A-list rolodex. Expect to be bothered whenever there's a news story about bloggers. Better yet, buy a $19.95 webcam like Jeff Jarvis did, and if you ever have trouble coming up with a good sound byte, just use Ask MetaFilter.
Hillarious. Being wishy-washy with those angry TV news producers is like Bambi doing the cha-cha in front of a tank.
Next time make sure to get some cool swag. You've already got your Act II planned, right? Well don't look to me for any ideas - I didn't even get www.williamhung.com in time - although apparently, neither did he. ;)
I suppose that someone who spends their time lining up guests for TV shows would learn to be effective at getting people to do what they need... Cajole, flatter, intimidate... anything to fill the time
with quests that touch the news.
Your 15 minutes are almost up now... and
you learned the sad truth about fame.
It's often more of a burden than a blessing... but it can be addictive to
get that next hit of attention from somoeone who under normal circumstances wouldn't give you 1 minute of their time.
That's the real blessing of blogs... the audience volunteers for pay attention to you and there's no professional filtering layer. No flatterers or street pimps lining up the johns to build an audience or roster of clients. Just the potential for unaldultered honesty and
that can be pretty darned addictive too.
Damn Man,that some funny shit for real.
'Specially liked the DaVinci code update that followed yer Countdown piece. The Juxtapositioning of you following the Virgin Mary on Today was also an unexpected delight. I would love it if'n you became the next go-to guy from Blogworld. Not just because you would be funnier and more real than half the talkin' heads out there but also maybe you could get all yer hardcore Drudgies and Cruellers free tickets to the Wonkette's next big party or something. I live in hope.
Hilarious story about TV producers...
And, 100% accurate. Actually, I thought you were merciful, if you can believe it.
Nice chicks over there!
I think it's not so bad to be in your situation, man!
Hillarious. Being wishy-washy with those angry TV news producers. If think it more actuality in new real show.