Men's Restroom Etiquette for Dummies (and Senators)

I like Alex Dering's take on Idaho Sen. Larry Craig's clumsy attempt to form a rump caucus in the men's restroom at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport:

For all the men in the audience. Does the description of Larry Craig's actions sound like anything you would do in a public bathroom? I'm pretty sure the gay, the straight, the bi-curious, the hetero-transmetro-vanilla, the unsure, are all gonna answer the same way: "When I use a public bathroom I make no eye contact with anyone. I put the maximum amount of empty space between me and everyone else in there. IF, and I mean IF, I have to use the stall next to someone, no part of my body -- no foot, no hand, um, no non-foot or non-hand appendage -- goes anywhere near the boundaries of my stall. I try to touch as few things as possible." There's exactly one reason to look through the crack in a stall door. Two actually. (The second is if you're looking for the little Amish boy who may have seen you ice a cop.)

Joel Achenbach of the Washington Post offers his own rest-rule:

The key one, as I understand it from many years of being both a man and someone who uses restrooms, is Do Not Talk To Another Man Unless You Are On Equal Footing. What this means is, for example, that you don't talk to a guy who is at the urinal unless you, too, are at the urinal. If he's at the urinal and you're over at the wash-basin, you're not on equal footing. Most men understand this rule instinctively. Clearly this should be a major story in tomorrow's Style section.

Achenbach threatens the social order by suggesting that any form of talking is acceptable. I agree with the makers of the machinama Male Restroom Etiquette:

Speech is your enemy. Never ever under any circumstance say a single word while in a bathroom. Not to a friend. Not to a lover. Not to Jesus himself.

Comments

This is too funny...

Good work!


I have been a commercial long haul trucker since 2000 and I've been in public restrooms in truck stops, fast food restaurants, and highway rest areas in all 48 states incl parts of Canada so I can say with great certainty that the 1st piece of graffiti EVER written on the walls is NOT "Kilroy was here" but it is either:

1. "For a good time TAP FOOT" or
2. "For a good time call on CB channel 25 (or whatever local CB channel).

This is common knowledge and anyone that denies it is covering something up (like their sexuality) and insulting the intelligence of MOST of the general public and ALL of the commercial truckers.

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