Five Things About My Secret Nude Past

I've been tagged with the five things you don't know about me virus, so here's my list:

1. In 1988 I spent two weeks at a nudist campground in Orlando, though I was tricked into going by my future mother- and father-in-law, who said we were going to DisneyWorld.

2. People play contact sports in nudist camps, including basketball, which was a surprise to me because of the threat of reaching-in fouls.

3. When elderly male nudists play shuffleboard, they still wear knee-high black socks tucked in to their open-toed sandals.

4. There's an unspoken bond among men who are comparably equipped -- a sense of our shared struggle that's conveyed by a friendly head-nod or a crisp wave of the hand. Though my father in-law dubbed this the "Dinky Dinkus Club" when I told this story to other relatives at a large family gathering, that was not my point at all.

5. If you put a restaurant in a nudist camp, do not under any circumstances use vinyl seats.

Five bloggers I'm now obligating to answer this question: April Winchell, Dave Linabury, Katrina vanden Heuvel, All My Children's Cady McClain and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.


Uncle Mikey must be sick, I can't believe he hasn't riffed all over this.

Back in the neolithic hippie days, I lived in a commune where everybody customarily went naked when we worked in the garden.

One day a curious sheriff's deputy came out to see what these long- haired crazies were doing out there in the woods (the backwoods locals probably didn't know what a commune was, they called it a 'nudist colony'). I figured he was hoping to get an eyeful of some 'nekkid females'.

The proprietor of the place sauntered casually over to the patrol car with a hoe in his hand and stood about two feet away from the lowered window, his manhood about eye level with the beet-faced cop.

The poor fellow was near speechless with embarrassment, and stammered something like "ya'll have a nice day", and tore out of there pronto.

We had a good few laughs over that.

I don't know where to begin, but hoe-carrying manhood flaunting is as good a place as any I suppose. Based on my two-person sample, it is clear to me that nakedness leads to liberalism, therefore the government should sew permanent clothing on everyone immediately.

I'm gratified that Uncle Mikey has seen the light, and has acknowledged this cosmic truth:

Nakedness does indeed lead to liberalism.

We need more of it. Lots more. In fact, I'm nude as I write this, and it feels wonderful. Won't you join us, Uncle Mikey, in our quest to 'enlighten' all humankind as we shed our irrational inhibitions, and trod forth into a bright new future of transparency in human relations.

I am the only one to wish you Happy New Years and you delete it.....

Happy New Year rogers

Oh, OK fine. I'll answer it, Rogers. I don't think being a Santero will top nude basketball, though.

Of the five people I tagged, you were the odds-on favorite to break down and post a list, Dave. Thanks for not making me a memekiller.

Of all the posts in this meme I've seen, this is far and away the best one. Especially the list of people you've tagged. I would've tagged Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, personally, but Tom DeLay is pretty inspired, too.

I remember after Rogers came back from Christmas break and his flirtation with nudism.To be honest he still couldn't speak after seeing Mary's parents naked. I still can't stop laughing.

I have just posted my filthy little secrets. Thank you for asking.

Thanks. Damn that Mare Winningham!

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