I'm Totally Straight, But ...

A few weeks ago I invented a new game dubbed googlemilking -- looking for a phrase in search engines that lends itself to hilarious, off-color, or unintentionally self-revealing results.

The game was covered by the Scotsman newspaper yesterday, and you can find players by searching for the first googlemilk: "I'm totally straight, but ...":

Just as you know that any sentence beginning with the words "I'm not one of those racialists but ..." will end in a diatribe about immigration, it is obvious that the closing part of a statement beginning "I'm totally straight but" will be something along the lines of "I'm not totally straight". Some of them are hilarious. Some are shocking. All are entertaining.

The phrase turns up a lot of interesting (and obscene) results, the greatest of which is the totally straight guy struggling with his attraction to Aragorn from Lord of the Rings:

I'm totally straight, but even I admitted the [blank]ability of Aragorn. Seriously, check the guy out. What a total badass. Doesn't mean I'd actually [blank] him, but if I were the type to [blank] guys, he'd be on my list.

My favorite googlemilk so far is so I decided to do something about it, which catches people right as they turn a long repressed desire into action, getting the hair, breasts, insemination, or teddy bear manufacturing business they've always wanted.

As a side effect of the game, I'm now the top result on Google for "totally straight," which ought to finally put to rest those rumors back in college.


You should jump on the domain and write del.icio.us interface for it.

Very much fun!

"...which ought to finally put to rest those rumors back in college."

...and which will give me a great opportunity to start some completely new ones.

Hey, ya gotta have a hobby.

I'm almost positive I saw Rogers performing the Numa Numa song in a public restroom in 1989. Or is that a rumor about me?

Well, if by "public restroom" you mean "in the middle of Fry Street."

We're all laughing now, but this archived discussion will be no joke when I'm nominated to serve as Ambassador to the U.N.

As a fellow catholic, I think you will do just fine with keeping it clean. Rock on!!! Oh- and tell grannie 'HI!"

i woudln't go there lol. WEll i sall this on Cnn and i think the Guy who made it Was incredably smart and if he is as smart as i think he should Sell it For LOTS AND LOTS of money To whoever will buy it first I also Appritiate the Html programing it Takes to Make a WOnderfull WEbsite like THis hey Homie if you play Runescape message contressa i Always Got Yo back btw This is A shout out to ma dead Pope john pall he was the biggest mack Daddy Of them All besides of Coarse his Father And maby jeasus but thats about it much love Homies I Gosta Bounch now But Keep Looking on this Websites i plan TO post Bits and peices of ma rap U hurr well BIgh Homes

I've been having fun with the following phrases:

1. "You killed my father. Prepare to die." -- this one finds the classic quote from the Princess Bride, but it also will find the variations. (Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die.)

2. "I laughed so hard, I almost" -- this one usually follows what it was that was laughed at. I'm finding that these stories largely consist of 'I guess you had to be there' situations, but there's some funny stuff to be found.

3. "I have no idea how it happened, but" -- this one usually accompanies something gross or dangerous, so be forewarned.

Perhaps one day there will be a Canonical Googlemilking List. Digits Juxtaposed!

Hey Contressa, I just want to be your Contresso, baby. How's about you and me go up to the planetarium? Just to look at the stars, I swear.

"if I had thought of this before" 10 direct hits but nothing unexpected.

- the contest
- turning
- I started knitting
- I might have gotten my Warp spell
- I drilled
- I could have made $8000
- I think I'd be quite farther than I am now
- advertisement, boom, dotcom
- I would have nominated Lolita

Thanks for the grins

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