At Crosswinds, the UT-Pantego student newspaper where all writers must support Pat Robertson and the move to pardon Ollie North, an anonymous call reveals a startling secret:

"Professor Ingmar Navaroni was once Theo Krantz, Southwestern campaign manager for Walter Mondale's 1984 presidential run."

"We have professors on this campus who were once Democratic party leaders?" an editor says. "Heresy!"

With love for all men in their hearts, the Crosswinds staff compiles an exposé about Navaroni that curdles his milk. University President Lowell Letterman demands his resignation two hours after the papers hit the newsracks.

"We're not firing you for supporting Mondale," Letterman tells Ingmar. "We've noticed a dangerous lack of neatness on your part for months, both in class and in your office."

"That's OK," Ingmar says. "I'll just have to hunt for a new show after I appear on the Donahue show this week."

"You're going to be on Donahue?" Lowell asks. His main goal as UT-Pantego president has been to appear on Phil's show. "Bring me along and we'll make you department chair and kill those Crosswinds monks."

Will President Letterman really demand the deaths of the Crosswinds staff? If he did, would anybody complain?

Tune in Thursday ...

-- Rogers Cadenhead

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