At the offices of The Udder, UT-Pantego's award-winning but thoroughly obnoxious student newspaper, a vicious rumor has appeared and spread through the newsroom:

Professor Ingmar Navaroni, Sicilian psychic astrologer whose New Age courses have put UT-Pantego on the map and on Donahue, is really someone else. Four years ago, he was Theo Krantz, Southwestern campaign manager for the Walter Mondale campaign.

"That's terrible," a reporter says. "He was a Mondale staffer? It completely blows his credibility."

"It makes sense, though," another writer replies. "As I passed his office once, I caught a momentary glimpse of a McGovern sticker on his file cabinet."

"McGovern?" Udder Editor Simon Sezmacher says. "We'll have to extend deadline and pull up page one for this."

A longtime staff photographer suddenly realizes that The Udder is a glass house.

"We might not want to throw stones. We're all liberals here, and everybody on staff voted for Mondale too."

"Not true -- Morris didn't," Simon says.

"He did, too -- Morris didn't become a Republican until he became a Damnation editor for Crosswinds. If we subject Navaroni to public humilation, documenting his political mistakes in lurid detail, we'll also be pointing a critical finger at us."

"You're right," Simon says. "I hate it when this happens. Kill the story -- never let it be said that while I was editor, The Udder exposed itself."

Will The Udder really kill the story, even though they should probably milk it for all it's worth?

Tune in Tuesday ...

-- Rogers Cadenhead

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