The eyeglasses in my mugshot are the Clubman Art-Rim, the brand I've been wearing ever since seeing D-FENS, the downsized engineer played by Michael Douglas in Falling Down. With my haircut and haggard expression, I'm one short-sleeve dress shirt and a suitcase away from a terrific Halloween costume.
The Clubman Art-Rim were the quintessential specs for the gray-flannel suit crowd and other squares in the '50s, many of whom kept them alive for decades through stubborn resistance to change. I wouldn't be surprised if the same people married women who have steadfastly maintained beehive hairdos, decades after the hairnest passed out of style.
Today, the Art-Rim turns up in movies on uptight, by-the-book characters in desperate need of dietary fiber, like the FBI agent played by Tom Hanks in Catch Me If You Can.
I occasionally hear from other devotees of the Art-Rim, which had sales of one million back in the day, according to one appreciation. Because most of these people are jonesing to score a pair, I finally called the manufacturer today and received terrible news: the brand is being discontinued. All that's left are the brown "royal amber" frames in sizes 48 and 51, and those won't last long.
Take a look at D-FENS, Tom Hanks, and me again. Are we really a crowd you want to subject to an unexpected, troubling change?