The fabulous new product from Dubious Pharmaceuticals!

Allergies are nothing to sneeze at. This affliction reduces more people to tears than a Meryl Streep Film Festival, and it turns the coming of spring into a season of discontent.

Say goodbye to watery eyes and nasal drip with Sneeze-B-Gone. Only four easy payments of $19.95.

No warranties expressed or implied. Manufacturer makes no promises that this product is safe for human consumption. Do not store in a hot area or pills may spontaneously burst into flame.